Friday, June 26, 2009
Infants, Crying and Parenting
My son will turn three at the end of July. So, it is often that I peruse the web and come across parenting information.
I understand that everyone parents differently, but I have to open my mouth in awe when I read information that tells new parents to leave their newborn infant to "cry it out." I mean, really, how does this make any sense?
I also understand that not every woman is thrilled to become a mother, and that the instant mother-child bond that I felt with my son the second I peed on the stick and saw two lines...doesn't always happen to mothers. That in itself is a sad epidemic in my eyes, and to be frank, I don't even remotely understand how a mother can not feel not only an instant bond with their child, but also the immediate unconditional love that forges between parent and child.
I am not claiming expertise in the parenting field, but I do know that I never once allowed for my son to "cry it out", especially when he was a newborn. If he cried, he got picked up, changed, fed, or simply cuddled with. Sometimes just picking him up and allowing for him to nestle as close as he could with me soothed him enough to end the crying. Infants need human contact, they need their mother, and they need attention. For more information on this, please visit www.attachmentparenting.org.
My son also sleeps with me, as I mentioned in a previous post. He has since his birth. It feels natural to me, to have my own flesh and blood right next to me. Nestled into his mother's arms. He's so content, even at three to be so close to me. He frequently asks me for hugs, and he never gets denied. I don't care what I'm doing, I'll always take time to hug my son. I've seen some moms, one of whom is my close friend, completely ignore her son when he asks for a hug. It's appalling to me that a parent wouldn't want to hug their child. But again, it's not my place to judge how others parent their children, and I'm no expert.
Everyone has different views on how to parent, that's no secret. What I would like to see research on, so please point me in the direction of any if you are privy to such information, is why some parents are not close to their children? Was it because they were not close to their parents while growing up, or perhaps they resent becoming parents in the first place? The factors are numerous and monumental I'm sure. A lot goes into why and how you parent your child(ren) the way you do.
Please, share your stories and theories. I'd love to hear them.